Mad Max: Fury Road
FTF Boo Rating
1 is good, 5 is bad.
I don’t understand how I’m here. I saw the trailer for this and immediately knew I didn’t want to see it. If you’d asked me at that point, I genuinely would have thought you’d have had a better chance of convincing me to fist myself than to go and see this film. And yet here I am, reviewing a film that is shit for all the reasons I knew it was going to be shit before I even saw it. I wish I had just fucking fisted myself.
I just realised I was never in the situation where I had to choose one of those things. I could have just done neither. That’s what I wish I’d done. Although fisting myself would have been more fun I’d wager, and I guess seeing as we’ve ended up in this sentence we might as well make that my point.
This seems to have ended up being a review about my decision to not fist myself, which is weird. Although in fairness I don’t know that anyone would be able to tell the difference between a video of me fisting myself and Mad Max. Both would be visually offensive and contain almost no dialog apart from the occasional scream. The only difference would be that I wouldn’t strap a man playing the guitar to a van if I made a video of me fisting myself.
So look, I didn’t fist myself, so you can’t watch a video of it, but I’m sure there’s a video of someone fisting themselves available somewhere, and I’d recommend you watch that instead of watching Mad Max. Even if you like Tom Hardy, because he’s not even fucking in it.