Too many X-Men Films basically. I wasn’t really into any of them to be honest, but this was basically the straw that broke the camel’s back.

X-Men has pissed me off since the end of the first one when they put Magneto in that plastic prison. I’m really curious how they came to the decision to make that prison. I image there was a big meeting about it, where a conversation similar to this might have happened:

Dude 1 : We’ve got the evil Magneto, now we just need to lock him up somewhere

Dude 2 : OK, why don’t we build a giant plastic prison, with a hollow sphere of plastic that floats, somehow, in the middle of what will probably be a vacuum. And to get to it, there will be a walkway of plastic that kind of folds and unfolds automatically through the vacuum, which it’s floating in, which makes sense.

Dude 1 : Perfect, that sounds like exactly what we should do despite it not being possible at all. I’m not sure where we’ll keep him during the presumably long construction period, but let’s ignore that.

Dude 3: Err, excuse me, sorry to butt in, but why don’t we just put him in a brick prison?

Dudes 1 & 2 : Huh?

Dude 3 : A brick prison. A prison made of brick. You know, like most prisons are anyway. He can control metal, not brick. Why don’t we put him in a brick prison?

Dude 1: Err, Plastic. I like plastic.

Now, although this film isn’t to blame for that scene, I’m afraid this film is going to have to shoulder the responsibility because it keeps perpetuating the same basic stupidities. Stupidities such as the Wolverine character and his lack of understanding of basic logic exercises. For example:

Dan is taller than John, and John is taller than Mark. Is Dan taller than Mark?

Or

Magneto can control metal, Wolverine is made of metal. Can Magneto control Wolverine?

Three films! Three fucking films and he STILL chases after Magneto thinking he can stop him doing whatever evil doings he’s trying to do. THREE FUCKING FILMS!

Let it go. Let it go. Alright, let’s get down to the specifics of this film. Some weird agency has discovered a cure for the mutant gene, and Magneto decides to put together an army of mutants to fight against them. Meanwhile, Jean Grey has come back to life, killed a couple of people, tried to put some sexy on Wolverine, and basically been a bit mad. There’s the typical showering of random powers which get about 3 seconds of screen time each and are never fully taken advantage of, and then there’s Vinny Jones. Vinny Jones was a shit footballer, and he’s an even shitter actor, and his presence in this film was even more irritating than the magic prison or how clown stupid wolverine is.

The film ends as predictably as is to be expected from an X-Men film. The X-Men step in and stop Magneto doing his nasty, the humans sort of agree that they shouldn’t have been doing all the nasty things they were doing, and everyone goes about their business. Professor Xavier gets killed by Jean Grey at one point, which was a bit unexpected, so fair play there, but generally I can’t see why anyone would watch this film, rather than just watch the first film again. It really was bland, you could have hooked me up to all kinds of monitors while I was watching this and they would have returned nothing but a flat line all the way through. It was the cinematic equivalent of a shrug of the shoulders.

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