I kind of feel like writing a review on this film is cheating. To illustrate my point, the film opens with Sharon Stone getting her twat messed with by Stan Collymore whilst driving a car at 100 miles an hour without looking at the road. That’s Stan Collymore of punching Ulrika Jonsson fame. I mean come on, they could have at least tried to make it a challenge to criticise.

I’ll start with Stan Collymore. You may know Stan Collymore as he got famous a few years ago for punching Ulrika Jonsson. Here’s the thing about Stan Collymore: Fuck Stan Collymore. He was a shitty footballer, and he has no business going to Hollywood, even if it is just to get 3 minutes in a piss poor pseudo porn sequel. Stan Collymore is however very good at punching Ulrika Jonsson, so he should stick to that.

I’m not going to bother slating Sharon Stone, she does that for me. She’s too old obviously, and hearing her talk about making herself cum had the same effect on my gag reflex as would drinking a cheese smoothie, but I can’t be bothered to point out anything else shit about her performance as frankly she had nothing to work with.

If someone were to ask me what Basic Instinct 2 was like, I would probably answer that question with another question; Have you seen Basic Instinct 1? Because it’s basically like that. Oh sure there are some differences, replace the Cop with the Psychiatrist, the Icepick with a belt, San Francisco with London, and “Barely OK” with “Fucking Terrible”, and you’ve turned Basic Instinct 1 into Basic Instinct 2. There really are only two reasons to watch this movie. Either you’re the type of person who gets turned on by hearing old women talk dirty, or you write reviews for a website dedicated to shitty films. I can’t think of other reasons.

Sharon Stone again plays whatever the fuck her name is, I’m just going to call her Basic Instinct for sake of ease. Basic Instinct is again at the centre of some weird pile of sex murder and confusion, and sets about fucking up the life of someone random and boring. Basic Instinct makes sure that every time she speaks to anyone she is as whorish and old as possible, and various things of no interest to anyone happen.

There really isn’t much else to say. This is a bad film, Sharon Stone is a bad actor, and Stan Collymore punched Ulrika Jonsson.

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